My Little One’s Birth Was Anything But Textbook, But Bringing Her Into This World Was A Complete Fairy Tale

So, I seem to have babies on the brain lately, and with the apparent baby boom that seems to be erupting all around us I can’t help but reminisce about my birth story with my little girl. I suppose if I’m going to be blogging about pregnancy, I should share my road to motherhood too. As much as I wish that my story was picturesque and something straight out of a movie, the birth of my little girl didn’t quite go as planned, but the end result, was just as remarkable as I had dreamed. Before we get there though, I think I should probably start a little bit earlier, in my pre-married life, when a certain diagnosis would change the future more than I knew.

Before Baby

At 20 years old, while I had my digestive and tummy troubles, I also suffered from ongoing headaches and migraines. With so many issues coming out of the wood work I finally made my way to doctor after doctor. The diagnosis for the stomach side of things gave me the same result as always, that it was just my body and I would have to just get used to it, a very unsatisfactory response yes, but my other ailments were more of a bother at the time. Headaches wise, I was sent for an MRI just to be sure all looked fine, little did I know I’d be signed up for these annually for the rest of my life. I reported back to my neurologist for the MRI results and I honestly can’t recall anything past his first sentence of something being abnormal. After the doctor told me that I had an irregular venous formation in my brain called a venous angioma, VA, my mind literally went blank and his voice turned into the teacher from Charlie Brown, blurting out unrecognizable words.

Before I knew it, I found myself seeing the best neurosurgeon on the East Coast for an angiogram to test the functionality of my malformation. Pretty overwhelming stuff for a 20 year old in college, but thankfully, I had my family by my side. The angiogram was less than pleasant and pretty scary for a surgery novice. Afterwards though, the doctor stopped in to check on me and let us know that my venous angioma was benign and functioned normally, whew finally a sigh of relief. The only catch was that I would have to go for annual MRIs from then on to make sure everything stayed the same. Not very much fun to have an annual reminder of this thing but altogether something I could live with.

We’re Expecting

Years later and still getting my annual MRIs, I was 26, married, just graduated from grad school, and hoping to start a family. Ever since my angiogram, everything had remained stable and with a pre-pregnancy visit to my neurologist I was given a go for pregnancy. But as the reality of becoming pregnant drew closer the fears of how this condition may affect a pregnancy, delivery, and maybe change afterwards were a constant concern. Soon enough though, God blessed Dan and I with our little one and our road to parenthood was underway. While we were overwhelmed with excitement and joy, the fears that I had before pregnancy about my VA were now magnified by hundred, adding a million more questions at my appointments with my OB. Thank goodness though, I have a fantastic doctor who perfectly balances my overly concerned and somewhat paranoid personality and with a great bedside manner to boot, making the whole experience a little less stressful.

Like many, throughout my pregnancy I envisioned the story book birth scenario, your contractions starting at home, maybe your water breaking too, a rush or at least quick drive up to the hospital, a progressing labor (preferably quick and not the dreadfully long labor our moms always told us about), and a few quick pushes and out comes your precious little baby. With some research of my own and some answers from my OB, I knew at the very beginning that my delivery might not be as I had hoped, thanks to my VA. During a vaginal delivery, the act of pushing and the actual epidural alone could affect my pressure and cause a possible hemorrhage, obviously a big and scary problem. However, since my VA had been stable for quite some time, with the approval of everybody on my team then I would be able to bring my little girl into the world just as I had hoped. So my entire pregnancy I played phone tag with my neurology specialist, OB, and anesthiologist trying to get approval for a vaginal birth with an epidural. Throughout this time, we received many a reassuring written and verbal okays but then things changed in my 8th month. The week of Thanksgiving, I had heard that despite 8 months of planning and getting the okay from every doctor under the sun for a vaginal birth, it seemed that I’d be undergoing a scheduled c-section after all, quite the opposite of my dream delivery. 

So with that, the questions were gone, it was c-section for us and there was no more debating it. To say I was disappointed would be putting it lightly, I was hysterically crying after this news was delivered. I was 8 months pregnant, being ordered to a c-section contrary to all of the go aheads I had already heard, terrified of this form of delivery since we knew nothing about all that it entailed, and oh yeah, we picked out a delivery date just 3 weeks away. It was an appointment I’ll never forget that’s for sure, but with all of the guess work gone, the official countdown until our baby girl arrived had begun. 

The Delivery

Flash forward 3 weeks and we had arrived at c-section day. Besides starving beyond belief, I was in tears on our way up to the hospital, both out of excitement to finally see that little one who had her toes jammed in my ribs for the past few weeks but also out of complete and utter fear of the unknown. We had arrived, were checked in, changed into my hospital gown, and hooked up to an IV and monitors of all kinds, all within a matter of a half hour. Unfortunately, we were delayed by about 2 hours making the anticipation, nerves, and anxiety that much greater. Finally though, we made it back to the operating room, Dan was shuttled over to a waiting area while I was sent in to get set up. Before I stepped foot inside, the anesthiologist met me at the door and decided to inform me just moments before I was about to deliver that he didn’t feel comfortable giving me the necessary, and already approved by the way, c-section spinal nor the medicine that goes with it, WHAT!!! Yup, just what you want to hear moments before you’re about to get a c-section. He had planned to instead give me an epidural and a different medicine but assured me that all would be just fine. To be honest, I wanted to turn and run for the hills but clearly it was too late for that, so I put on my brave face and marched into the operating room alone. 

After some trouble with the epidural, we were finally underway and Dan was beside me yet again. Only 10 minutes in and my OB announced that she was here. A dark haired, 8 lb 9 oz baby girl had been born and we couldn’t have been happier. I sent Dan over to capture her first moments of life on camera and to give my precious baby girl a kiss from her Mommy. I’ll never forget that cry, it was the most beautiful sound that brought tears to my eyes. I wanted so badly to meet my little girl but I knew that she was being kept company by her loving Daddy.

While I was basking in my new Mommy glory, I all of the sudden was overwhelmed by a difficulty to breathe, then a numbing of my left arm, throat, and dizziness that made me feel like I was about to pass out. Since all of the doctors seemed to be alarmed by these symptoms, I took it they weren’t your standard c-section feelings. Before I knew it, I was being given oxygen and told that my epidural had gone to high, a high block, a serious and life threatening complication with epidurals. I heard the anesthiologist tell Dan that they may need to put me under and that he had to wait outside. I was terrified and heartbroken as I watched my equally as terrified husband be shuttled outside in a matter of a few seconds, leaving my little one alone in her first minutes of life. My eyes started filling with tears as I had yet to meet my little girl, hadn’t done skin to skin bonding time, Dan hadn’t cut the cord, and now this, nothing seemed to be going how I had hoped.

After the scariest moments of our lives had passed, Dan was beside our little girl again. Meanwhile, even though I had started to feel a little bit better, I still laid helpless as the doctors were in “operation get the epidural medicine out of my upper body so I could breathe again mode.” But as they were explaining that I needed to remain in the operating room for awhile yet, I tuned everybody’s voices out as I caught my first glimpse of my little girl in a nurse’s arms coming towards me. I couldn’t hold her yet thanks to my upper body being totally numb but she laid her beside me so I could meet her for the very first time in person. I breathed her sweet smell and kissed her on her chubby little cheeks and forehead, something that I waited a little extra time to do. I couldn’t take my eyes off of the little angel that laid beside me, and wished my numb arms would start working so I could scoop her up. 

A short while later and we were finally being moved into recovery. In the meantime, seeing as the operation took way too long for your standard c-section, Dan’s phone had filled up with worried texts and voicemails. But for those moments in recovery, it was our time to recoop from the events earlier on and the world outside just didn’t seem to exist. It was finally time for us to enjoy being a new family of three and to finally give this mommy what she had been so desperately been waiting for. After waiting for 9 months and a long operation, I finally had my little girl in my arms. Our first picture with her in my arms says it all. I’m crying looking at the camera, so overwhelmed with emotion and couldn’t get enough of my little girl. I knew at that moment that that little one would be my whole life and I was so excited for the moments to come. 

My delivery and recovery were less than ideal, filled with a lot of pain, some complications, and a lot of tears but the end result is a loving, friendly, and happy little girl that has made our family that much more complete. I had a hard time recovering physically, but the emotional toll that her birth took on me was something I still have hard time dealing with. It’s difficult at times to understand what happened and why but I do thank God everyday that I’m here to be her Mommy and share the rest of her life with her.

From time to time, we thumb through pictures of her early days and I’ve realized even more how fantastic my husband is. He captured all of the first moments that I missed, from the doctor holding her, to her first bath, getting weighed and fingerprinted, and getting swaddled with her knit baby hat on, all of the precious moments that I wished I had been a part of in person but I can now remember fondly thanks to Dan. My little one’s birth was anything but textbook, but bringing her into this world was a complete fairy tale.

While I’ve seen many around me have babies since, it only reminds me more that everybody’s story is different. Some live the movie scene while others are faced with a couple more challenges. It’s difficult to move on passed the events of my daughter’s birthday but holding that beautiful baby in my arms made the details of how she got there a little less scary. Stay tuned for my next pregnancy post about Being A C-Section Mommy!

Sincerely,

Lindsay