Check out one of my favorite blogs, A Mama’s Story, where I linked up my latest breastfeeding post and one of my recent #MommyProblems. This is a great blog that I just recently came across but is one of my new favorites, tons on family life, motherhood, and so much in-between. Check it out here!
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Wow, the past few weeks have been packed full of activity around here so excuse my absence. But in the middle of all of the chaos, my sweet little baby turned 4 months and my breastfeeding adventure had come to an end. But no worries I’m still feeding my little one aren’t I, so there will be plenty more baby feeding adventures to come, from formula dos an don’ts to introducing food for the first time! For now though, back to my eternal breastfeeding problem that finally caught up to me.
My first go around at breastfeeding a couple years back was short and anything but sweet. It was stressful, painful, sad, and disappointing, all of which was only exacerbated by my emotional state postpartum. So after only a month of trying my hardest to nurse my brand new baby we had to start introducing formula half of the time to help her with weight gain and supplement my low supply. Soon enough we were full time and I was relieved of my breastfeeding duties all together. Not being able to breastfeed my first go around was heartbreaking, but now, in retrospect, was probably a blessing in disguise. I was beyond stressed about whether or not I was keeping up with baby and her lack of weight gain was just too much for me to handle, especially seeing as my postpartum emotions were far from positive and my physical state was barely 80% by 8 weeks.
This time around though I made it to 4 months with my second baby girl and honestly I loved almost every minute of it. My postpartum emotions were much more positive this time which I’m sure only helped things, but as far as the mechanics behind it all, things just seemed to work a tad bit better. My last experience I was barely making ends meet in the breastfeeding department, so to speak, and this time I seemed to be meeting our little girls needs or at least I hoped so (Bizarre seeing as supply was not much changed since my first baby but apparently every baby’s needs are different, says the doctors and lactation consultatns.). From day one though none of it was easy, besides the obvious demands that stand for any breastfeeding mommy, the stress over my supply was sometimes too much to handle.
So many factors go into successful breastfeeding, the first and most important is your milk supply obviously, but unfortunately this about 99% genetic, which makes it 99% out of your control. For me, this was the exact issue, along with constant pain, that kept me from breastfeeding my first little girl for more than a month and a half. Thankfully this time the pain was intermittent but making enough milk seemed to be my same story. I fed around the clock, pumped on the off times, and did about as much as I could to establish a good supply and I still only pumped a measly 7 or 8 ounces total from a longer stretch. After many a phone call with my doctor and lactation consultants I learned that there was only so much that I could control in this area and that so much of it was genetic.
Having so little control over yet another aspect of new mommyhood is beyond frustrating. Sure the delivery was out of my hands, but really this had to be too? Seriously, again really? Even though sometimes I feel like my body just fights against me every chance it can I always come back to the same thought, if my girls are healthy and happy, with full bellies, then I’m happy. My emotions and feelings about what I want are minimal and can take a back seat to their health and happiness. So this time around with my emotions in check and my post-delivery recuperation much more positive than before I was able to spend those precious moments with my baby girl and tons of less than precious moments pumping in-between. At the beginning things were going pretty well, even though my baby girl lost the undesirable greater than 10% of her birth rate before we left the hospital just like her sister, but thankfully she had gained it back before too long despite fighting off the jaundice. And once we were back up at the birth weight we seemed to get into a somewhat comfortable feeding rhythm, but with a little girl who was very colicky since her early weeks the next few months were anything but comfortable.
While I loved every bit of my quiet snuggle time and convenience of feeding her anywhere and everywhere without a bottle and formula in tow, the constant worry of whether our little girl was screaming because she was still hungry never left my mind. Not to mention the stress of whether my milk was filling enough for her seeing as I eat a very restrictive gluten free diet which truthfully didn’t fill me half of the time. Maybe these things were silly, especially given the constant reassurance from the pediatrician that since she was gaining weight all was good in that area, but anytime you have a baby who doesn’t seem satisfied you begin to search for fault anywhere, most likely within yourself. And trust me that added stress and worry certainly doesn’t help an already struggling milk supply. So after three months of breastfeeding we decided to start adding in some formula and see if that helped tame the fussiness.
Just as we had hoped, adding in just one bottle of formula a day seemed to help but didn’t take all of the fussiness away which with a colicky baby would make sense. No matter, we stuck with the one bottle of formula a day while mommy fed the rest of the day which gave her the best of both worlds. But after two family colds that made my milk supply drop even more we decided to retire the breastfeeding at 4 months, use up the rest of the frozen breastmilk, and then turn to formula full time. And even though we’re still on the fussier side, my baby girl seems plenty satisfied, making this mommy happier than ever.
It was a whirlwind first few months as a new mommy of two that was more positive than my previous postpartum experience but more challenging in so many different ways. Nothing kills a mother more than a helpless, tiny newborn who’s cries don’t seem to be soothed by anything, not even her mommy’s hugs. For me, my first few months with my littlest girl were beautiful in so many ways but heartbreaking in so many others. From jaundice and weight gain issues for the first month to inconsolable colicky crying for the next few months my world was shaken, but being a mother to these amazing little girls who show me so much love in every way they can has given me the strength to do everything I can for them. I’m strong for them because of them. Through all of the worry in those first months all I needed was just to look into my baby girl’s big blue eyes and instantly know that all would be okay. And even though I’ll never know if it was coincidence that my baby girl’s fussiness seemed to go away when we switched to formula full time or if she just outgrew the colic which just so happens seems to occur at 4 months, none of it matters now. It’s all just part of her story, our story really, and those breastfeeding moments that I shared with both of my girls no matter how short they were, I’ll never forget and will always hold a special place in my heart.
And as you can see, formula fed, breastfed, or a little bit of both, my girls are both healthy and happy, just the way I hoped they would be! I just love my little kangaroo and sea turtle!
Sincerely,
Lindsay
I have such exciting news to share with all of you! The past few months, along with becoming a new mom of two, I’ve been working on another fantastic little project, I’ve joined the VitaMom team over at VitaMedMD! Check out tons of info on everything mommy related, from pregnancy and fashion to being a new mommy and raising your little ones. I’m so proud to be a part of it!
Sincerely,
Lindsay
No mother enjoys cold and flu season, but for one who is a slight germophobe and she herself is a magnet for all things microscopic and highly contagious this season of the year is dreaded on so many levels. In years past with only one little girl who wasn’t emerged in the germ filled environments that school age kids are we’ve been able to minimize exposure, only picking up a few things here and there. This year’s Fall seems to be a whole different animal and with a new little baby this is far from encouraging seeing as the roughest time of year has only just begun.
After surviving our first round of cold tag only a few weeks ago, I was treated this morning to an unusually late wake up call. As wonderful as the extra sleep was the second I took a look at the video monitor in my toddler’s room and caught a glimpse of her still suspiciously fast asleep I knew something wasn’t right. Nonetheless I decided to let her rest a little more while I peacefully got breakfast together for both girls and treated our furry daughter to some one-on-one petting time. Once I cracked her door open and heard that familiar stuffed sniffle and first through-the-mouth breath I knew we were in for it. Buckle up because we were about to start the second round of colds this season. Can I just say something? It’s OCTOBER. it’s only October and we’re starting our second round of cold remediation!
Hearing those first sounds from your sick little one is a horribly horrific way to start any day. All it took was one glimpse of the dried snot trail across her cheek to make my stomach drop just thinking about the week or weeks ahead of us. And then the oh too familiar “Mommy, I don’t feel good” followed by a “Mommy I’m sick” as she points to her nose really hammered it in, making this mommy want to run out of the room and grab a face mask and gloves. That’s not too extreme right? Just with those few words and sniffles I felt that pit in my stomach get bigger and bigger as I pictured a worn out version of myself nursing my toddler back to health while spending the week worrying and hopelessly attempting to prevent passing it along to everyone else, baby sister included.
This part of mommyhood is torture, watching your kids sick and suffering, granted this time it’s just a cold, but come on any mom would cower at the first signs of the highly contagious cold that puts mommy smack dab in the middle of a pool of dirty tissues and runny noses. And nothings worse than after a long bout of sickness with one or both of your kids when you start feeling your favorite cold symptoms knowing now it’s your turn to enjoy the same fun your kids had. To make matters worse for your turn though you get to tackle a cold while taking care of two fully energized, almost 100% well kids and to boot, if you’re in my shoes still trying to nurse your baby so meds are off limits.
As you can tell I’m not a huge fan of germs, but hey what mommy is? I worry about my girls and seeing as I’m a sponge for anything that comes into this house I know that if this mommy goes down then everyone else might as well go with me. Still even with a gigantic bottle of antibacterial in my car we find ourselves at the starting line of another cold run. A huge part of me wants to cover my girls (and myself and Dan too!) in gigantic bubbles or just never go anywhere, no more dance, no more fun activities, but that’s certainly not the way to go. So for now my fingers, toes, legs, and everything else is crossed that this round will be really mild and hopefully start and stop with only one of us and as for the future, I’m hoping that all of our immune systems get a little bit stronger so we can have all the fun with only some of the sick.
Even with all of these sniffles though, so far this Fall has been one of the most special ones thanks to our two little girls! And as I try to stick to positive thinking, I thought I’d share some healthier versions of my little girls loving life and each other!
Sincerely,
Lindsay
With my first little girl potty trained just in time for her sister’s arrival early this summer instead of having a few diaperless days we just traded the larger diapers for the itty bitty ones. Of course our newest family member’s toosh is the cutest on the planet, fitting into the palm of my hand, but I guess somewhere between those early days and potty training I’d forgotten the joys of poo poo explosions. Probably one of the most gag-worthy baby moments is a massive blowout demolishing not only the diaper but also the onesie and outfit too. It never ceases to amaze me how those adorable, miniature babies can produce such an explosive bowel movement that’s capable of so much destruction. Just a side note, remember when a blow out meant those quiet moments of your day when you’d go get your hair done? Yeah, well that term has taken on a whole new and grosser meaning since becoming a mommy, hasn’t it? Mommy problems.
When it comes to blow outs, both of my girls seem to defy all the odds, means of science, and just logic as a whole when it came to their pooping skills. In her short 3 months since her birth day, our newest little one has reminded me one too many times of those blow outs I became oh too familiar with only a few years before with her sister. It really is amazing how these tiny little human beings make these projectile, explosive bowel movements that are powerful enough to not only leak out of the diaper but literally go all the way up their back and if your lucky their front too. And of course I’m thrilled to see their systems working as well as they are but let’s be honest, is digging my fingers in stinky, gross poop on the outside of the diaper, giving my little one an impromptu bath because they were covered in poo from head to toe, and ending it all with scrubbing their adorable poop covered outfits to prevent permanent damage my favorite parts of being a mommy? No.
Before having my girls I never imagined all that they were capable of in the pooping department, nor did I think I’d be paying so much attention. Did any of us really think before our babies arrived that everyday we’d think and talk about poop at least once a day? Albeit baby poop yes, but poop nonetheless. I can’t tell you how many times Dan and I have talked about the girls potty activities, and that’s just part of a normal day. And you know what, we love it. Not the poop part, but that our girls are our whole life, where we love talking about every single part of their lives.
No matter how disgusting blow outs are, there’s something about looking at your adorably sweet little baby covered in poo that still makes you smile and laugh. When they just look at you with those loving and helpless big baby eyes you melt, even if they stink quite a bit and have added a couple extras to your to do list for the day. And even though a majority of these moments have happened while their daddy is at work, I may have taken a quick picture once or twice and sent it along to him just so he can partake in some of the fun. I mean he wanted pictures and updates right? Seriously though, I love every bit of my girls, even those tooshies that are capable of such unimaginable grossness. These blow outs are worth all of the kisses my big girl is covering me with as I type and the sweet smile that’s plastered on her blue eyed baby sister.
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Hard to believe but our baby girl is officially 3 months today! Our beautiful blue eyed, porcelain skinned baby girl has added so much more love to our family, which I didn’t even think was possible. From the moment she was born, all of my pregnancy questions had gone out the window only to be replaced with millions of postpartum uncertainties. And while I was just starting my second postpartum journey, I was owe too familiar with all of the fun that was ahead of me, but this time I had to balance it all with a little girl waiting for me at home. Even though I had no clue what the weeks and months that laid before me would hold, I was ready to find out because no matter what I had this sweet baby girl beside me.
As I’ve learned, having this idyllic view of how life will pan out probably isn’t the best way to approach any huge life moment that you have very little control over, but hey, you can’t blame a hopeful mom-to-be for dreaming of that delivery and postpartum recovery straight from the movies. But since life doesn’t always follow a romantically written screenplay, I quickly learned that not every chapter of my story would go as I planned. In those first few days post my second c-section, I nursed my delicate and precious baby, cherishing those moments, not knowing how long they would be enjoyed for. There are very few new baby moments that I’ve had my heart set on experiencing but nursing ranks up there in the top three. I wanted so badly to share that special bond with my girls, rocking them in their nursery, sharing those moments when the house falls quiet and all I would hear are the sweet sounds of my little one. With my first little girl our nursing journey was short and not without plenty of bumps in the road.
I remember all too clearly the first few weeks of my oldest daughter’s little life which was filled with countless weight checks at the pediatricians. My brand new baby was born at a perfectly healthy weight, but lost a significant amount before we left the hospital so after on demand feeding constantly and checking in on her weight gain every few days we were finally back to her starting weight. After so much struggling, we decided to supplement with formula soon after to help our little girl along and make sure she was getting all the food she needed. I remember filling many of these early postpartum days with constant rounds of feeding, pumping, cleaning, and supplementing, oh yeah and with a lot of pain in-between. Our nursing adventure wasn’t as peaceful and calm as I had hoped but honestly it didn’t matter to me at all as long as my little girl was healthy, with a full belly, and was growing, and that she was. Soon enough, our baby was exclusively fed formula and was better for it, heading straight to the top of the charts, growing like a weed.
As a new mom fresh off an unexpected c-section and a postpartum nursing journey that was cut short, my emotions, along with my hormones, were all over the place. No matter how I felt though, as long as my baby was healthy I truly was happy, but all of that relief couldn’t erase the disappointment I felt with my delivery along with my breastfeeding. To add insult to injury, I couldn’t help but feel like I was living in a “breast is best” world where everywhere I turned I saw why breast milk was better than formula, not a great message to be reminded of when I was a new formula mom.
Let’s face it, we live in a world where even the most personal decisions are open for public criticism. Partly this is our own fault, after all most of us have spent a majority of our adult years sharing the details of our lives on social media. But when it comes to sharing parts of your life that are as special as babies and parenting, all bets should be off and the only opinions offered should be supportive or helpful. Unfortunately that’s certainly not the case, and with so much judgement surrounding us it’s near impossible to not start judging ourselves just as harshly.
Not being able to breastfeed my daughter for very long was heartbreaking, add it on top of a less desirable c-section and I was one gigantic emotional wreck. And why? My little girl was being fed, she was healthy, she was thriving, there was nothing to be disappointed in, besides the obvious sadness because of the missed experience. I think what made my nursing struggles even more disappointing was the “breast is best” universe that surrounded me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding and despise the criticism that mothers receive for it, but being a formula mom in a parenting world where the popularity of breastfeeding seemed to be exploding was anything but easy. Everywhere I turned there were Yahoo articles, Facebook posts, and Twitter headlines screaming about the benefits of breastfeeding and how much better off babies are that are fed this way. From lower obesity rates and higher IQs to better immune systems and overall lower risk of countless health problems, not to mention the emotional connection that mommy and baby can have, the benefits were undeniable and I couldn’t help but feel like I was depriving my precious baby of this amazing start to her life.
So I put my blinders on and ignored all of the proud breastfeeding mommy posts and pro-breastfeeding articles just so I could survive the emotional roller coaster of being a new mommy. As much as I wished that I too could enjoy that same experience as so many other mothers out there, I embraced my reality and gave my little girl the best I could offer. She was well taken care of in every way, no matter how she was fed, but most importantly I loved her just as much and wanted only the best for her just like any breastfeeding mommy. It took some time, but I realized that no matter how she arrived and whether or not I could breastfeed her, none of it mattered really as long as she was here and healthy and she was. I always knew all of that but remembering it was so much harder with my postpartum emotions flying all over the place and the explosion of breastfeeders around me.
By the time we found out we were expecting our second little girl I found myself in the exact same place I was during my first pregnancy, hoping that every dream I ever had about my delivery and postpartum experience would come true. As life would have it, I went round 2 with a c-section but this time around I am 3 months into nursing my beautiful Baby #2. I cannot explain how special this experience has been for me, and even though I wish so badly that I could’ve had the same one with our first little girl, I’m so grateful for these past few months. While it hasn’t been without some struggles, the same weight checks we’d done before now filled our second baby girl’s first few weeks (along with some jaundice challenges), some pain here and there, and some supply issues, I’m loving those peaceful moments that we share.
Seeing as I’ve now walked down both roads, I’m reminded even more to be empathetic to everyone’s parenting experiences. Judging someone or being judged shouldn’t be part of anyone’s parenting experience. Just recently I spotted a pleasant surprise campaign by Similac where they’re supporting that very message through Sisterhood Of Motherhood. A perfect campaign that I for one couldn’t be more in support of. In the spirit of reaching out to all mothers out there I plan on posting on some of my biggest questions or experiences while both breast and formula feeding. Feel free to comment and share any mommy topics you’d like to see appear on Gluten Free Mom To Be.
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Giving birth to a beautiful and healthy baby is worth the price of pregnancy but unfortunately that adorable and snuggly new baby doesn’t erase the difficulty of your postpartum recovery. Those first few days after both of my c-sections were beyond difficult and challenged me in every emotional and physical way possible. While you’re flying high on this new mommy euphoria that recharges you with just one glimpse of your newborn, you’re also tasked with countless postpartum challenges that no one really warns you about. Sure your OB preps you with textbook answers to your questions but let’s face it could my male OB really explain what my c-section let alone my recovery really feel like, the good, the bad, or the ugly? Unfortunately not and I’m a girl who likes all of the information up front so I thought I’d share 6 of my postpartum experiences and tips to either help prep you for the postpartum of a possible or planned c-section or give you a little comradery if you’re going through one right now.
So there you have it, six of my tips and stories to either prep you or reassure you that everyone’s experiences are different. It’s so hard to remember this but please try to, no two births are the same and everyone’s recovery will look different too. It can make a world of difference by just asking others if they too experienced what you have and finding that support that you desperately need. And most importantly, if in doubt always call your doctor and ask your question, never just rely on your own research.
Sincerely,
Lindsay
This mommy is getting her gluten free groove back! That’s right after almost a year of a restricted pregnancy and nausea dictated diet, I’m back with a healthy appetite for anything and everything gluten free I can get my hands on (well maybe not everything, I am still a very picky eater). Once baby girl arrived my acid reflux and nausea had vanished, I was diving into fruit salads, appetizers of soft cheeses, and heaping cold cut sandwiches piled high on some of the best gluten free bread I’ve ever tasted.
Next to one of my favorite gluten free breads, Canyon Bakehouse’s Deli Rye bread, Schar has released a brand new bread that’s perfect for every kind of sandwich. Their Artisan Baker White Bread is soft, fresh, and needs no prep before eating, a huge win in the gluten free world! And trust me, when it comes to gluten bread I’m hypercritical seeing as I love my sandwiches and have greatly missed them over the years.
Not long after baby arrived, my husband first brought home a loaf of this brand new bread and I have to admit that I was a little reluctant to give it a try. Unfortunately my faith in Schar’s breads has dwindled down to pretty much nothing after I’d bought many a loaf of bread over the past year that was either squished into tea sandwich sized slices or so brittle that just removing a slice from the small package causes the whole loaf to break in half. I’d grown so frustrated wasting $5.99 on a small loaf of unusable bread that we really hadn’t been purchasing bread the past few months and my love of sandwiches was put on the back burner towards the end of my pregnancy.
Thankfully though Schar has stepped up and given us a phenomenal new loaf of gluten free bread, one that I hope sticks around for a very long time. First off, while the loaves are still the same size, you cut the packaging open and the slices are ready to eat then and there, no toasting needed. I absolutely love being able to just pull the bread out of the packaging and use it straight away, a rarity for gluten free breads which usually come frozen or fresh, requiring heating in some way before eating. Next up the texture, I can’t rave about the texture enough. We all know that anything bread like in the gluten free world can be really off putting texture wise but this bread is a huge exception. These slices have that elasticity that lacks in so many other types of gluten free bread, but these definitely hold their own in so many different kinds of meals, trust me I’ve tested it. Whether you want a sandwich loaded with lunch meat, french toast or grilled cheese in the skillet, or even use a slice to wrap around your favorite hot dogs, Schar’s Artisan bread can do it all without crumbling to the touch or disintegrating with the moisture.
For the ultimate bread test though, the biggest question is taste. Will the perfect new texture compromise the breads taste? I’m happy to report that the answer on that one is absolutely not! This bread literally reminds me of gluten breads from my past, soft and pliable slices of bread that are squishy and elastic to the pull who’s taste blends with any and all kinds of concoctions.
Using a new recipe, Schar’s successfully created a fresh, soft and squishy, and excellent tasting gluten free bread, all the qualities we’ve been dreaming of and they’re now wrapped up in just one loaf of bread. I have to admit in my postpartum recovery where easy to make sandwiches are a new mommy’s best friend this bread has been a savior. I’ve had many a gluten free sandwich for quick lunches and dinners without any thawing, microwaving, or toasting. Thanks so much to Schar for giving us the gluten free bread of our dreams! Now let’s cross our fingers that they’ll use this new recipe to make all of our favorite versions of bread!
So put away that frozen bread, run to the store, and buy all of the fixings for your perfect sandwich but don’t forget Schar’s Artisan Baker White Bread because that’s what will make your sandwich truly perfect and perfectly gluten free!
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Our beautiful baby girl is officially 7 weeks old, my how time flies. As our little one is growing and changing every single day we’re beginning to resume life as usual, venturing out on small family adventures and introducing our brand new family member to more friends and family. But before I share what life has looked like for us the last few weeks I thought it would only be fitting if I revealed a few of our photos from our baby girl’s newborn photo shoot.
As you probably have gathered from many a blog post in the past, I love my family photos and knew early on in my pregnancy that I’d want to have newborn photos done. I hadn’t really thought about it with all of the stress in my first pregnancy so the decision was a bit last minute for my first little girl, and even though we ended up with some beautiful photos capturing her adorable little features I thought this time around I’d plan a bit in advance and reduce the stress afterward. So this time around I started my search a few months before baby was due and scouted out photographers in the area, falling in love with some beautiful shots by Nicole with Nicole Klym Photography. She was wonderful to work with, making our lives so much easier by capturing our newest addition in the comfort of home and handling our baby girl in the gentlest manner. Each and every photo captured the precious features of our then 9 day old and will mean the world to us for years to come as our little girl grows up. It was an absolute pleasure sharing this special time with Nicole and we’re so grateful for the beautiful images that she was able to capture of this memorable time in our lives.
Loving this bonnet? Check out Modest Little Me Boutique where Mallory made my newest princess a custom vintage little newborn bonnet with everything mommy loves from lace to pearls. You can also find these amazingly adorable bonnets on facebook!
Looking at each of these photos brings tears to my eyes. I’m so grateful for the life we have and even though we certainly appreciate and take in each and every moment, time just seems to be flying by and our girls are growing so quickly. It’s hard to believe that our charismatic little girl who’s personality is bigger than life and heart is overflowing with love is already 2 1/2, while our newest baby girl is a rapidly growing newborn who’s personality is coming out more and more each day. Thanks to these photos, both of my girls will also be able to remember this time in their lives and be reminded of just how much love our family shares.
As my postpartum hiatus is coming to a close, I have so much to share with all of you, from postpartum recovery details to what life looks like for us as a new family of four not to mention my newest gluten free favorites thanks to my palette returning to normal post-pregnancy. So stay tuned as I get used to my new role as a gluten free mom to two.
Sincerely,
Lindsay
Tip: If you’re in the New Jersey area and looking for a photographer for any phase in your life, check out Nicole Klym Photography either on Facebook or on her website here.
About a year after my rambunctious toddler was born I started Gluten Free Mom To Be partly to help myself work through some of life’s frustrations by sharing with others but mostly to help others out there with their gluten free lives and just life in general. I’ve learned in my 29 years that life is by no means always easy or picturesque, not always going the way that you plan or hope. You’ll encounter moments of pure bliss followed by roadblocks, sometimes one after another, that seem to make those blissful moments that much more precious. What’s hard is finding the light and looking forward in those difficult times when you can feel so alone and defeated. I think we can all admit that while riding the ups and downs in the roller coaster called life it would be much easier with support that may be lacking from time to time. That’s where my blog came in, I wanted to provide others a place where they didn’t feel alone, where they could share their happy moments or less than happy moments and find comradery or help from others who may have experienced similar situations.
It hasn’t been easy sharing glimpses into my life but just knowing that someone out there might be reading one of my stories and feel a little bit better because of it is reason enough to blog. Not long after starting my blog I decided to share how I became the Gluten Free Mom To Be, a story that was difficult to talk about even a year later but one that I thought many others could relate to. The main theme, besides the beautiful arrival of my first baby girl, was becoming a c-section mommy, a group of mommies that for one reason or another found themselves having a very emotional and physical experience in common. For me, as I shared in Living Life As A C-Section Mommy, giving birth to my daughter by a c-section was hard enough emotionally and physically for myself but adding in what everyone around me thought and felt was just too much. Unfortunately we live in a world where judging, criticizing, and competing are just everyday occurrences, and sadly nothing is off limits, even how you gave birth.
No matter how a woman delivers a baby, that moment is sacred and beautiful, and when it has to happen in the less idyllic way a woman shouldn’t be judged, shamed, or deemed less deserving of the mother badge. In the many lovely articles that I’ve read online about how horrible c-sections are and how every woman “should” deliver a baby the traditional way, I remember coming across a specific comment that really rubbed me the wrong way. The blogger who left the comment had herself been incredibly fortunate to have a beautiful home birth with another planned in the near future, the second birth was later shared in a tear jerking video that would make any mother wish for that same experience. The comment that struck a chord with me in a negative way was her distaste for mothers sharing their horrific and awful birth stories with expecting mothers, emphasizing how insensitive it was not to mention the fact that it didn’t empower women and build them up to experience how beautiful birth really is.
While I agree scaring a mother to be with your story might not be so encouraging I have to admit that for myself I wish I had heard a few more less than perfect c-section stories. When I first found out that I had to have a c-section the first time around all I heard were stories of how easy c-sections were, of mothers being able to get up and walk around without pain just moments after the meds wore off, of mothers being able to change diapers and carry around their newborns with ease during their hospital stay, and my favorite of how easy recovery was for many a c-section mommy. These stories are wonderfully positive but I know for me after having an experience that was anything but any of the perks that were told to me before made me feel that much more frustrated about my own birth. On top of being disappointed about just having a c-section I was now comparing my story to other c-section moms that had enviable experiences which made matters worse.
I think what’s hard is that naturally as human beings we compare. Hearing countless stories of beautiful births, either natural or c-section, has just the same effect as hearing stories that weren’t so peaceful and perfect, both preparing you for either complete and utter relief that your birth wasn’t that bad or an overwhelming disappointment that your birth hadn’t turned out like all those that you’d read about. For myself, I’ve shared my stories not to scare anyone or take away the beauty of giving birth because despite my experiences I still look at both of my daughter’s births as beautiful, but to help other mothers out there who felt similar to how I did after my first c-section. Contrary to what some may think c-sections are not easy, or at least easy for everyone, just as vaginal births aren’t, but when all you hear are first hand accounts of that nature it can wreck havoc on you emotionally after your experience. I would’ve given anything to have someone stand by my side and say they too had felt the same things both physically and emotionally but unfortunately for me everyone around me hadn’t had c-sections before so they couldn’t really understand the emotional toll it took on me not to mention the physical pains of it. As every other mother would agree, no matter how their child arrived, it was beautiful, maybe scary, painful, emotional, or a boatload of other emotions, but beautiful nonetheless but that doesn’t mean that their stories can’t be shared, whether they were perfect textbook births or something quite different. Sharing helps us all heal and at least for me sharing my stories have helped me accept the things I can’t change and embrace the mantra that everything happens for a reason.
Needless to say despite all of my planning, hoping, and crossing everything that can be crossed I am a c-section mommy again. Was the birth of my second little girl what I had dreamed it would be? Yes, because the ending, which is the most important part, was exactly what I hoped for, being able to give my little girl her first kisses and hugs. For one reason or another God sent both of my baby girls to me and planned them to arrive this way, and even though I won’t ever understand why and I would’ve loved to not have a c-section again, being a healthy mommy and holding a healthy baby in my arms is all I could ask for. So I’m happy to share both of my birth stories as a c-section mommy. Neither experience was easy, both having their scary moments, but at the end of both were happy endings and that’s all any mother could hope for. As mothers, well really as a society in general, while we’ll never be able to stop comparing ourselves to each other because that’s just innately part of us, we do need to stop judging or criticizing others for their experiences. Whether good or bad, every birth story is valuable and beautiful in its own way and while I’ll never not feel sad about certain events in each of my own births I no longer feel cheated and I hope other mothers can find the same peace.
Sincerely,
Lindsay, A Very Proud C-Section Mommy