About a year after my rambunctious toddler was born I started Gluten Free Mom To Be partly to help myself work through some of life’s frustrations by sharing with others but mostly to help others out there with their gluten free lives and just life in general. I’ve learned in my 29 years that life is by no means always easy or picturesque, not always going the way that you plan or hope. You’ll encounter moments of pure bliss followed by roadblocks, sometimes one after another, that seem to make those blissful moments that much more precious. What’s hard is finding the light and looking forward in those difficult times when you can feel so alone and defeated. I think we can all admit that while riding the ups and downs in the roller coaster called life it would be much easier with support that may be lacking from time to time. That’s where my blog came in, I wanted to provide others a place where they didn’t feel alone, where they could share their happy moments or less than happy moments and find comradery or help from others who may have experienced similar situations. 

It hasn’t been easy sharing glimpses into my life but just knowing that someone out there might be reading one of my stories and feel a little bit better because of it is reason enough to blog. Not long after starting my blog I decided to share how I became the Gluten Free Mom To Be, a story that was difficult to talk about even a year later but one that I thought many others could relate to. The main theme, besides the beautiful arrival of my first baby girl, was becoming a c-section mommy, a group of mommies that for one reason or another found themselves having a very emotional and physical experience in common. For me, as I shared in Living Life As A C-Section Mommy, giving birth to my daughter by a c-section was hard enough emotionally and physically for myself but adding in what everyone around me thought and felt was just too much. Unfortunately we live in a world where judging, criticizing, and competing are just everyday occurrences, and sadly nothing is off limits, even how you gave birth.

No matter how a woman delivers a baby, that moment is sacred and beautiful, and when it has to happen in the less idyllic way a woman shouldn’t be judged, shamed, or deemed less deserving of the mother badge. In the many lovely articles that I’ve read online about how horrible c-sections are and how every woman “should” deliver a baby the traditional way, I remember coming across a specific comment that really rubbed me the wrong way. The blogger who left the comment had herself been incredibly fortunate to have a beautiful home birth with another planned in the near future, the second birth was later shared in a tear jerking video that would make any mother wish for that same experience. The comment that struck a chord with me in a negative way was her distaste for mothers sharing their horrific and awful birth stories with expecting mothers, emphasizing how insensitive it was not to mention the fact that it didn’t empower women and build them up to experience how beautiful birth really is.

While I agree scaring a mother to be with your story might not be so encouraging I have to admit that for myself I wish I had heard a few more less than perfect c-section stories. When I first found out that I had to have a c-section the first time around all I heard were stories of how easy c-sections were, of mothers being able to get up and walk around without pain just moments after the meds wore off, of mothers being able to change diapers and carry around their newborns with ease during their hospital stay, and my favorite of how easy recovery was for many a c-section mommy. These stories are wonderfully positive but I know for me after having an experience that was anything but any of the perks that were told to me before made me feel that much more frustrated about my own birth. On top of being disappointed about just having a c-section I was now comparing my story to other c-section moms that had enviable experiences which made matters worse.

I think what’s hard is that naturally as human beings we compare. Hearing countless stories of beautiful births, either natural or c-section, has just the same effect as hearing stories that weren’t so peaceful and perfect, both preparing you for either complete and utter relief that your birth wasn’t that bad or an overwhelming disappointment that your birth hadn’t turned out like all those that you’d read about. For myself, I’ve shared my stories not to scare anyone or take away the beauty of giving birth because despite my experiences I still look at both of my daughter’s births as beautiful, but to help other mothers out there who felt similar to how I did after my first c-section. Contrary to what some may think c-sections are not easy, or at least easy for everyone, just as vaginal births aren’t, but when all you hear are first hand accounts of that nature it can wreck havoc on you emotionally after your experience. I would’ve given anything to have someone stand by my side and say they too had felt the same things both physically and emotionally but unfortunately for me everyone around me hadn’t had c-sections before so they couldn’t really understand the emotional toll it took on me not to mention the physical pains of it. As every other mother would agree, no matter how their child arrived, it was beautiful, maybe scary, painful, emotional, or a boatload of other emotions, but beautiful nonetheless but that doesn’t mean that their stories can’t be shared, whether they were perfect textbook births or something quite different. Sharing helps us all heal and at least for me sharing my stories have helped me accept the things I can’t change and embrace the mantra that everything happens for a reason. 

Needless to say despite all of my planning, hoping, and crossing everything that can be crossed I am a c-section mommy again. Was the birth of my second little girl what I had dreamed it would be? Yes, because the ending, which is the most important part, was exactly what I hoped for, being able to give my little girl her first kisses and hugs. For one reason or another God sent both of my baby girls to me and planned them to arrive this way, and even though I won’t ever understand why and I would’ve loved to not have a c-section again, being a healthy mommy and holding a healthy baby in my arms is all I could ask for. So I’m happy to share both of my birth stories as a c-section mommy. Neither experience was easy, both having their scary moments, but at the end of both were happy endings and that’s all any mother could hope for. As mothers, well really as a society in general, while we’ll never be able to stop comparing ourselves to each other because that’s just innately part of us, we do need to stop judging or criticizing others for their experiences. Whether good or bad, every birth story is valuable and beautiful in its own way and while I’ll never not feel sad about certain events in each of my own births I no longer feel cheated and I hope other mothers can find the same peace.

Sincerely,

Lindsay, A Very Proud C-Section Mommy

We’re finally in the home stretch! We’ve turned the corner and we’re nestled snugly into our third trimester with tons of excitement but just as much nerves. In about a month and a half we’ll finally get to meet this little person that’s been playing soccer in my belly all of these months. Our little girl will finally become the long awaited big sister that she’s probably grown quite curious about. And we as a family will finally become a family of four (plus one furry little girl). So much change is coming and while we’ve spent months dreaming, planning, and anticipating that moment, the nerves that go along with the big finale seem to grow as my weeks do. 

Let me clarify, of course I’m nervous about her actual delivery which is a whole other post by itself, but what we’re most nervous about is finally becoming the family of four that we’ve wanted for so long. Adding more babies to the mix is always nerve-wracking for so many reasons, whether it’s the first, second, or fifth, a new life is coming your way in the form of a new baby and a new family will take shape. Ever since before Dan and I were married we talked about having a family, I of course was up for four or five babies, my dream large family, and Dan was stuck around the 2 or 3 range, but either way there was no doubt that we wanted babies down the road. Once we were married we took our time, went on some adventures, traveled, and created some memories with our fur baby, really enjoying our new time as a married couple and building an even stronger us before babies came into the picture. Finally as we approached our two year anniversary we knew it was time to start growing our family and God blessed us with our first little girl.

Even though we were excited that we were expecting our first baby and that we’d finally start the family we’d always wanted we were nervous beyond belief just like all first time parents are. And now we find ourselves in an all too familiar spot as we did about three years ago, feeling incredibly excited with a mix of nervous but for completely different reasons than before. We have the tune of parenting down pretty well now and we know what to expect on that end, at least until 2 1/2 years old, but what we’re most nervous about this time around is the transition from the three of us to the four of us and I don’t mean the logistics of it all. I’m not at all nervous about juggling two kids instead of one but I guess what I’m most excited but yet most nervous about is the actual act of becoming four instead of three.

We’re so excited to love another little baby and give that gift to our little girl but whenever you make that humongous decision to grow your family from one to two and beyond I think it’s natural to worry if you’ll be able to spread yourself out enough for all of them equally. My heart is certainly large enough to love two children and beyond, no doubt there, but there’s so much to raising your children than just loving them. Coming into this marriage as the third of three children and my husband as the second of two children we’re well aware of what it’s like to have some older siblings come before us, the pros and the cons. I always worry that Baby #2 will feel like they didn’t get their special time with Mommy and Daddy or that everything always was split between her and her sister. 

Having siblings is tough and can be really challenging at times but it can be one of the biggest blessings in the world and that’s what our wish is for our girls. My hope for my girls is that Dan and I do the best job that we can do as their parents, always making sure that they feel special in their own way, that they have their own individual lives filled with their own personalities and likes and dislikes, and that they always turn to us and to each other for love and support just as we intended from each of their births on. 

We’re so in love with both of our girls already and are just basking in the glow of the impending birth, becoming a family of four has been everything I’ve dreamed about for months and it’s almost upon us. I hope my big girl falls just as much in love with her sister when she sees herself as we have since we found about her. I hope our furry little girl loves her just as much as she loves her bigger sister. Most importantly I know that our family will continue to grow our love just as we do everyday, never letting one day pass without realizing just how blessed we are to have each other. 

No matter how nervous I am about the big delivery day or recovery after or making sure both of my girls feel Mommy’s love equally, those nerves will never overwhelm the tremendous amount of excitement that mounts every single day that passes. I truly cannot wait to see this little one, feel her in my arms, kiss and hug her for the first time and hundreds beyond, and my favorite of all, hold her close to my heart where she’ll never leave and we’ll forever share that special bond like I have with her sister. In just a matter of a few single digit weeks our littlest girl could make her debut, but until then I’ll keep dreaming about her!

Sincerely,

Lindsay (33 weeks)